“I’M A TRAILBLAZER!” — AZIZ ANSARI’S SAVAGE SNL FBI DIRECTOR SPOOF HAS VIEWERS HOWLING

Aziz Ansari as Kash Patel on ‘Saturday Night Live’.Credit: NBC

Saturday Night Live just added another familiar face to the president’s faux administration.

First up to the podium was Ashley Padilla as White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, who announced, “As some of you know, I’m about to go on maternity leave. That’s when you tell President Trump about your maternity and he says, ‘Leave.’”

Enter Ansari’s Patel. “What up? What up?” Patel said. “It’s K-dot, a.k.a. Kash with a K, a.k.a. the most effective FBI director this country has ever had: Kash Patel.”

He went on to claim that the FBI has conducted a thorough investigation into the alleged attempted assassination before telling the room full of reporters, “You guys should not be reporting the lies and the gossip. You should be reporting on the historic nature of my appointment. I’m a trailblazer! I’m the first Indian person to suck at their job.”

He continued, “Everyone says Indian people are smart, hardworking, incredibly intelligent. I prove without a shadow of a doubt that we can be just as incapable and incompetent as the whites.”

Patel then opened the floor to questions, which he received with his typical overly casual attitude. When one of the journalists asked if he was concerned about Trump being angry at him, Patel replied, “Hell, no! President Trump loves me. Everybody loves me.”

He added, “Even the Correspondents’ Dinner shooter said, ‘Kill everyone but Mr. Patel.’ You get a shout-out like that in a psycho’s manifesto, you must be doing something right.”

When another reporter pressed Patel about rumors that he drinks excessively — an allegation made in a new report from The Atlantic — the FBI director took it in stride… and began listing off eerily specific scenarios.

“Let me be clear: This FBI director has never been drunk or hungover on the job,” he began. “This FBI director has never used taxpayer dollars to take a private jet to fly him and his girlfriend to three different Buffalo Wild Wings across the country to see if they could taste the difference.”

He added, “And this FBI director has definitely not stood on top of a couch at the VIP room of Tao nightclub and Asian bistro and shouted, ‘Who wants the nuclear codes?! J.K., I ain’t got ’em!’”

The real Patel threatened to sue The Atlantic over the story published last month, which detailed his alleged heavy drinking and how members of his security detail have on multiple occasions had difficulty waking him.

Patel responded to the report with an X post on his official FBI account addressing what he called “the fake news” over “the hit piece lies you write about me.”

The cold open saw reporters confronting SNL‘s Patel about allegations that he once had a “freakout” after he couldn’t log into an internal computer system — a claim also made in the Atlantic report.

“That’s just more lies,” Ansari’s Patel insisted. “I’ve always been able to log into my email, except for a brief 36-hour period of time when I forgot I had changed my password to CashMeOutside69.”

Watch Ansari debut his portrayal of Patel in the cold open clip above.